22 Things I Learned in 22 Years

Here are twenty-two life lessons I’ve learned over my twenty-two years of life.

There will be some slight overlap between these lessons and the ones I stated in my YouTube video last year for my twenty-first birthday. However, in this one, I tried my best to include mostly the new lessons I learned. Reflection is a great technique for grounding yourself, and it allows you to fully comprehend your progress and change.

1. You can only control yourself. You cannot dictate what others do or say or how they react. You can only control your own actions, words, and reactions. As I mentioned last year, everyone needs to maintain an intrinsic desire to change, or that change isn’t likely to happen. You can’t force someone to change.
2. Get a cat. They’re warm, soft, and adorable, and even though my cat is a lot of work, he’s one of the best things I could’ve ever asked for. I love my Blackberry.
3. Feel everything deeply. Allow yourself to experience every emotion–for yourself and for others.
4. Productivity is vital, but it doesn’t replace addressing the hard stuff head-on. I’ve had the tendency to be productive when I want to ignore deep-rooted issues I have going on, as a distraction of sorts. Balance is key. Allow yourself to balance productivity and relaxation.
5. Don’t overdo it with caffeine, especially if you have anxiety, like I do. Allow yourself enough sleep at night to limit your caffeine intake, or you’re going to be shaking so much, it’ll feel like an earthquake.
6. Something I’ve learned from being in a romantic relationship for almost four years is that communication is so important. You can’t read each other’s minds. You need to communicate clearly and effectively. Be direct and honest without being cruel. Be kind and compassionate while also addressing the difficult issues. And importantly, do not blame each other for your own faults. It’s easy to do that when you’re in a relationship with someone you live with and have been with for a while, but it’s not a healthy coping mechanism.
7. Procrastination comes from a few different reasons. You can be a perfectionist procrastinator, an anxious procrastinator, a plenty-of-time procrastinator, or a fun procrastinator. There are different techniques, such as thought-stopping and re-framing, that can help with these specific procrastination types. I don’t usually procrastinate, but I still utilize certain techniques to prevent it. Don’t overwhelm yourself by starting at the last minute. The quality of your work will suffer.
8. Some things, you can’t do on your own. I’ve always preferred to accomplish things on my own. I’ve always been a self-starter. However, I’ve found that certain things in life, for example, from my experience making a short film, require help from others. Some things require reliance on others, and sometimes, it sucks, but it is what it is.
9. Taylor Swift is the songwriter of the century, and nobody can tell me otherwise. She’s always going to be my favorite musical artist, and she’s a huge inspiration for my own writing. Her discography is one of the most prolific. And many people hate on her merely because she’s a successful woman. That’s the world we live in right now. Hating on something popular doesn’t make you cool. You’re allowed to not be a huge fan of her music, but there’s literally no reason to hate her as a person.
10. I need to take my medication every day or else, I’ll feel incredibly out of control. That’s okay. Medication is more than acceptable and shouldn’t be as stigmatized.
11. An organized environment allows for an organized mind. Keep your living space tidy, and you’ll naturally feel more put-together and motivated.
12. Don’t let others dictate your emotions. This one is particularly challenging for me. But you cannot allow other people’s behavior, words, actions, or projections to dictate how you feel about yourself. I’m a self-destructive person, I take things very personally, and it’s hard for me not to take things out on myself when other people misbehave or disrespect me. It’s a process to learn how to manage this, but it’s something that I acknowledge is crucial to understand.
13. The world is full of rubbish people. Some people are so stubborn, set in their ways, and oblivious to so much that they refuse to change. And again, you can’t change others. Sometimes, we have to accept that the world can be a dark place, but there are always moments of light within it. Some people will love you, some people will hate you, and some people will be somewhere in the middle. Nobody is universally liked, disliked, loved, or hated.
14. Truly hard-working people are pretty rare. If you’re a hard-working person like me, you should be really proud of that. There’s nothing wrong with feeling confident in your positive characteristics. Hard work does pay off, even if it’s in ways you don’t expect it to.
15. Take advantage of your opportunities as they’re presented to you. You never know when an opportunity could arise again, so it’s important to utilize opportunities as soon as you can. Sometimes, certain opportunities don’t work out because of timing, location, or life in general. But if you have the chance to participate in an amazing opportunity for yourself, professionally or personally, seize that opportunity.
16. Consume creative media, soak it all in, and reflect on it. Whether it’s videos on YouTube, television, films, comics, games, music, podcasts, or other media, consume whatever you’re interested in, escape from reality, and reflect on that piece of media.
17. Go outside. Absorb the warm sun. Get that Vitamin D. When the sun is out, you should be out too! It’s good for you.
18. This is cheesy, but be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Everyone is unique, and it’s important to hone in on and present your unique traits. Being fake is a huge turn-off for many people, and it doesn’t help anything.
19. Life is full of ebbs and flows. Almost nothing in life is completely linear, especially recovery from an illness. I’ve been in recovery from an eating disorder for about five years. There are moments when it’s worse, and there are moments when it’s better. Absorb the good and the bad in life. It’s how you learn.
20. Surround yourself with positive people. If you feel rubbish around certain people, you probably shouldn’t be hanging around them. Sometimes, we can’t avoid people we don’t necessarily like or get along with, and we have to be civil. However, you’re perfectly entitled to feel how you feel, and it’s important to try to surround yourself with uplifting, encouraging people, especially in your personal life.
21. Self-care is essential in general, but it’s also essential in being able to better care for others. Without self-care, it’s nearly impossible to effectively care for other people. We need to care for ourselves and invest in ourselves for a variety of reasons. People and material things come and go, but you and your experiences are a constant in life.
22. Again, this is a bit cheesy, but things do gradually get better. I still struggle all the time, but I’m in a much different and better place than I was as a teenager or even last year. Your teen years can feel like they’re dragging on forever, and it can feel like things will never improve. But things gradually progress throughout life, and as you age and mature, you gradually discover your true identity and understand the world more.

Despite time being an arbitrary concept, with time, comes wisdom. I’m still young, and I still have much to learn. However, through my various life experiences, I have learned a lot. Embrace the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, and the ebbs and the flows.

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