Rumors of Kim and Kanye's baby's name

Just a stab in the dark, but does it start with a K?

According to rumors on the interwebs, Kim and Kanye’s baby girl is named Kaidence Donda West. The collective pile of money that is Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are keeping tight-lipped as to whether these rumors are true or not, however.

Kim and Kanye’s baby was born on Saturday June 15, most likely giving Kanye the claim to have the greatest Father’s Day of all time. Kim Kardashian, star of the hit Iranian parasailing competition Keeping Up with the Kardashians, gave birth to her daughter five weeks prior to her due date. Apparently the baby is healthy but her early advent must have surprised Kardashian, who might not have narrowed down her list of “K names” just yet.

Let us dissect this theoretical name of Kim and Kanye’s baby: Kaidence Donda West. The middle name Donda is clearly a tribute to Kanye’s late mother Donda West, who passed away in 2007. (Certainly a touching tribute and I shan’t dare speak ill of the dead.)

The surname of Kim and Kanye’s baby is West, which is clearly a reference to the power of capitalism and thus a slam on all Eastern World practices. The penny is mightier!

Next let’s take a close look at Kim and Kanye’s given name of Kaidence. First and foremost, the Kabal of Kardashians has an uncomfortable obsession with the letter “K” as you may have noticed. So it should come as no surprise that the buxom and bulky buttocks of Kim Kardashian decided to bestow the 11^th letter of the alphabet unto her newborn in a fit of Kardashianish word play.

The Christian name of Kim and Kanye’s baby is Kaidence, which is homophonous of the noun “cadence.” In its most general definition, cadence means the flow or rhythm of events, especially the pattern in which something is experienced.

Given her father’s musical career, does this mean that Kim and Kanye’s baby is destined to be a human metronome? Will Kim and Kanye’s baby perform with Yeezus on stage as the first fully functioning human woodblock?

Or perhaps, as I have suggested before, Kim and Kanye’s baby shall be the cadence of the steady decline of our civilization. Said decline will likely lead to the next fall of man and in turn pave the way for the next evolution of human society where each family is designated one single letter to propagate from generation to generation, world without end Amen.